The Neurotic's Pursuit of an Ideal Self

Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? Like there's a better version of yourself that you should strive to become? If so, you might relate to the concept of neuroticism. In this blog post, we'll explore the idea of the neurotic individual who rejects their real self in pursuit of an ideal self. We'll delve into the motivations behind this behavior and the impact it has on their thinking and behaviors.

Defining the Neurotic

According to the perspective presented to me, the neurotic is someone who perceives their real self as inadequate and seeks to transform into a different, better person. They construct an ideal alternative self in their imagination and feel an inner compulsion to become that ideal version. This desire to become the perfect self extends to their perception of the world as well, as they strive to make it an ideal and perfect place.

The Role of Ideal Standards

The neurotic relies on their ideal mental constructs, also known as ideal standards, to evaluate not only their own real self but also the real selves of others and social institutions. These ideal standards act as a benchmark against which they judge everything around them. Naturally, they often find these realities falling short of their expectations and reject them.

The Rejection of the Real Self

At the core of neuroticism is the rejection of one's real self. The neurotic believes that their authentic self is not good enough and that they must strive to become someone better. This rejection can stem from various sources, such as societal pressures, personal insecurities, or past experiences. Regardless of the cause, the neurotic's focus shifts towards constructing an ideal self that they believe will be more worthy and accepted.

By fixating on this ideal self, the neurotic may develop a distorted perception of their real self. They may magnify their flaws and shortcomings, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction and self-criticism. This negative self-image fuels their desire to escape their real self and become the idealized version they have created in their mind.

The Pursuit of Perfection

The neurotic's primary motivation is the pursuit of perfection. They believe that by becoming their ideal self, they will not only be happier but also create a better world. This pursuit manifests in their thoughts and behaviors, which are driven by the desire to align themselves with their ideal standards.

For instance, the neurotic may constantly strive for success and achievement, believing that these external markers of perfection will validate their worthiness. They may set impossibly high standards for themselves and engage in self-critical thoughts when they fall short. This relentless pursuit of perfection can lead to anxiety, stress, and a perpetual feeling of inadequacy.

The Impact on Relationships

Neuroticism can also affect the neurotic's relationships with others. Their ideal standards extend to how they perceive and judge the real selves of those around them. They may find it difficult to accept others as they are, constantly comparing them to their own idealized version. This can strain relationships, as the neurotic may become critical, demanding, or even dismissive of others' real selves.

Furthermore, the neurotic's preoccupation with their own pursuit of perfection may leave little room for genuine connection and empathy. They may struggle to fully engage in relationships, as their focus is primarily on themselves and their own self-improvement. This self-centeredness can hinder the development of meaningful connections and hinder their ability to form deep and lasting bonds.

Finding Balance and Acceptance

While the neurotic's pursuit of an ideal self may stem from a genuine desire for self-improvement, it is essential to find a balance between self-improvement and self-acceptance. Perfection is an unattainable goal, and constantly striving for it can lead to emotional distress and dissatisfaction.

Learning to accept one's real self, flaws and all, is a crucial step towards personal growth and happiness. Embracing imperfections and recognizing that they are a part of what makes us human allows for greater self-compassion and a more realistic perspective.

Additionally, developing a more realistic and flexible set of ideal standards can help alleviate the pressure to constantly measure up to an unattainable ideal. Setting achievable goals and focusing on progress rather than perfection can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life.

Conclusion

The neurotic's rejection of their real self in pursuit of an ideal self is driven by a desire for self-improvement and a belief that perfection will bring happiness and create a better world. However, this constant striving for an unattainable ideal can lead to dissatisfaction, strained relationships, and a lack of self-acceptance.

Finding a balance between self-improvement and self-acceptance is crucial for personal growth and well-being. Embracing imperfections, setting realistic goals, and cultivating self-compassion are essential steps on the path to a more fulfilling life.